Friday, November 9, 2012

No. It's a pedophile hunt.

Published on November 8th, 2012 | by Gareth

Cameron warns of witch-hunt against Tory paedophiles

Philip Schofield, eh? You tyke! We always thought you were just that smiley fella from the broom cupboard with Gordon the Gopher, but no – you’re Philip ‘Paedo-buster’ Schofield, voice of the nation and ambusher of David Cameron with your list of paedophiles that you found on the web.
Brilliant. It serves David Cameron right for thinking that a quick session on This Morning is a cushy number. We all thought he’d learned his lesson with Matt Baker on The One Show, but nooooo, DavCam keeps making these Tony Blair-esque cuddly shows only to get ambushed by someone who clearly thinks he’s a wanker, and this time it’s a list of paedophiles being thrust in his face by the man famous for sitting in a cupboard with a man who has his hand in a sock.
Funny though, that David Cameron didn’t bother looking at the list. He probably knew the names already – Lord McAlpine, Ken Clarke, Peter Lilley, Michael Portillo – all accused online of paedophilia at some point somewhere, we’re not accusing and we’re not saying they’re paedophiles or not, we’re just saying that if you wanted to find out about these accusations, then you can. You just have to know where to look.
And frankly, you can throw any name into the hat, or put any name on a list that you’ve taken from the internet, it’s up to the police to investigate, isn’t it. I mean, that’s their job, they should be investigating these people but apparently, erm, they’ve been told not to in the past. Apologies for linking to the Daily Star, by the way.
We already know that Margaret Thatcher’s adviser was a pederast and a child molester, and everyone knew about it. But… nobody did anything. Or were they told not to…
Anyway, back to the 80s, and while Philip Schofield was on kid’s TV, David Icke was banging on about how Jimmy Savile was a paedophile and supplied children to the rich and famous. How everyone laughed – hahahaha – David Icke! Look at him! Hahahaha! David Icke, he wears a turquoise shellsuit and he says silly things about how King Jimmy’s a paedophile! Hahahahaha! We’re laughing at him, not with him.
Oh, he was right all along? And this thing he’s saying about Prince Charles? Oh, the Guardian’s picked up on it. Sort of. They’ve taken a less forthright angle than Icke, but the premise is basically the same. Jimmy Savile ‘supplied’ guests for Prince Charles.
Our only worry is that if David Icke’s predictions are all true, then the Royal Family are a bunch of lizards from outer space who have taken over the world, and we’re living in a computer-controlled virtual reality matrix. All of these predictions are slightly less worrying than the fact that there’s been a paedophile ring closely connected to the government and the Royal Family for all these years, and nobody did anything about it because the paedophiles in control were too powerful.
Anyhoo, back to David Cameron, and there are two things we have to tackle here – first of all, you say this will be a witch-hunt against gay people, which implies a) you think everyone is stupid and b) you think paedophiles are all gay. How fucking stupid are you?
Secondly, well done for starting the inquiry, but can you guarantee that the inquiry won’t be another cover-up to protect your friends who, it turns out, might be paedophiles?
You might have tried to detoxify the Conservative Party, but as pointed out in The Thick Of It, the party is built on a solid foundation of cunts.

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